New Year's eve in a warm country is all about the beach, beach parties, beach clothes, water, sand and people dancing til the sun comes up or they fall down. The break of the waves on the shore creates a heavy rhythmic baseline to accompany the beats that blare out the beachfront restaurants speakers, no you can't hear the person standing next to you, why would you want to?
The people are always so friendly, so energetic on new years eve, it puzzles me why this does not happen habitually, imagine you smiled and laughed like you do on NYE, imagine you spoke to anyone like they were your old friends, imagine you didn't worry what might happen and just lived each day to the fullest.
I decided that I was going to approach people who looked like they were having fun or people I was attracted too, OK mostly girls, but hey I'm only human, I have spent my life with a fear of the approach, meaning if I see a pretty girl I make multiply excuses why I don't speak to her, for example, what if she does not like me? or maybe she's got a boyfriend? or I'm too shy.
So this past year I have been working on conquering that fear, pushing myself just that little further everyday, similar to everything in life we have to push ourselves to learn, in doing so I learned my fear was down to ignorance, it's not that I was scared, I never took the time to learn how to approach women.
In overcoming our fears we must increase our confidence, confidence can be reached by using the 4 D's, desire, dedication, discipline and determination. Our mind's are a very powerful tool if used correctly, the quote below is how Lewis Carrol describes this at its most basic;
"Begin at the beginning and go till you come to the end; then stop" Lewis Carrol
Most people, me included, go like this,
Question - Can you surf?
Common answer - No, I'm not very good at it.
Q - How many times have you done it?
CA - I tried twice, but I was not that good.
Surfing takes time and dedication it's about discipline, doing it over and over again until you can do it. Sanji a local surfer here in Sri Lanka, told me he learned to surf on a surfboard that weighed 20 kgs and he would have to fix it after every surf to stop the water from getting in, it took him 2 months before he stood up for the first time, that's pure dedication and determination, though now he is one of the best surfers here. We in the western world expect things to be easy, most westerners learning to surf, stand up on their first wave, they learn on boards specifically made for learning and still they give up when they find it too hard, remember nothing worth doing is ever easy.
So I decided NYE would be my night to be determined, start conversations with people, lose my fear, gain confidence, first was a beautiful French girl, her name was Virgina and she was laying on the beach just down from me, I plucked up my courage and slowly, heart thumping, knees trembling, palms sweating walked over to her, you know what I can't even remember what I said, but before long we were talking and laughing together. Later sitting in a restaurant, another pretty Czech girl came in for a take away, I had seen her before but did not say anything through fear, this time I just spoke up and she joined my German friend Andres and me at out table, and spent the rest of the night parting with us, just by overcoming my fear I made some great new friends.
If approaching people means you have this much fun, the fear is just not that scary anymore, anyway I better go I am giving a surfing lesson to a beautiful Swedish girl who walked past me yesterday, she has a wonderful smile, blue eyes, a slim perfect body and a laugh that tickles my ears with joy.
I'll leave you with this great quote by a great man;
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail" Ralph Waldo Emerson
ha ha loved this tail - so very true though - well done mate for giving it horns !
ReplyDeleteThanks Sean, it's good to feel free from self observation.
ReplyDeleteOk being told too change this as it's not 'self observation', which is in fact very important but self degradation which used to haunt me.
Delete